"I thought I had reached a point in life where everything would be smooth. But it is not. It just gets more jagged and pitted and filled with turns that take you into the dark recesses of your mind. It never seems to get easy."
Sylvester Stallone
(1946-, American Actor)
How true, Tango, how true.
I hope this doesn't turn into another depressing blog. Already had one of those, don't really want or need another one.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
Ghosts of Halloweens Past
Ok, I just read over my last post (which was also my first post), and it's um, less than impressive. I'll try to do better. Not like anybody reads this anyway. Whatever.
So, I was reading PopCandy over on USA Today, which was a profile on another Candy reader, Tim l. One of the questions Whitney asks is "What's the best Halloween costume you've ever worn?", and Tim l instead talked about the worst, which is exactly what I would've done. I seriously don't think I've ever had a BEST Halloween costume, but if I did it would sadly be one of the plastic store-bought hot and sweaty ones. When left to my own devices, my costumes were nothing but disasterpieces. Well, maybe the California Raisin wasn't so bad; it's hard to mess up balloons, black tights, and a black garbage bag. So here are what I consider the worst of the worst:
3. The "I'm too old to go trick-or-treating and I don't have a costume anyway, but now I REEEEEEEEALLY want to go" costume. Components: My dad's navy blue hooded winter coat, a jack-o-lantern trick or treat bucket, a vacuum cleaner pipe (the long one), a belt, and a witch's hat that we found on the street after the trick-or-treating had commenced. My dad helped me strap the vacuum pipe on my back with the belt, then we put the coat on, raised the hood, and shoved the trick-or-treat bucket into the hood. The witch's hat really capped off the outfit, so I'm really grateful to the kid who lost it.
Actually, that may be my Best Halloween Costume Ever.
2. The Train. The train never actually happened because, like most of my elementary school projects/project ideas, it was more about the concept than the execution. I couldn't make it work with the limited time and materials I had, so I just didn't do it. And by limited time, I mean it was probably like an hour before trick-or-treating time.
AND THE WINNER IS ...
1. The Ghost/Dead Tennis Player. How can you mess up a ghost costume? Here's how. Again, it was a last minute costume and I had limited materials -- basically, I had to find whatever old, plain white sheet we had in the house, which is a lot harder than it sounds because my mom bought a lot of print sheets back in the 80s. So, I found the sheet and proceeded to cut eye holes. Notice I didn't say MEASURE FOR EYEHOLES and then cut them. My eyeholes were off and, as I found out after tripping and falling several times, not aligned to a straight edge on the sheet, but instead aligned to some weird corner angle, thereby putting a dragging sheet corner directly under my feet. After tripping again in my neighbor's ditch, I decided to go home and regroup. I'd borrorwed a tennis hoodie from my cousin who was coaching the high school girl's tennis team, and I didn't have a lot of time, so I decided to go as a dead tennis player. What made me dead? Nothing. But I think I rationalized it to my 5th grade self as "dead" because I was using a broken badminton racket from our garage.
I think the next year I actually morphed the Ghost/Dead Tennis Player costume into a "Dead Clown" costume. I cut a head hole in the sheet, bought some cheap plastic flowers for a bouquet, wore my too-small green and blue rainhat, and MAAAAAAYBE put some powder on my face so as to appear "dead" but I can't really remember if I followed through on the powder. All I know is I had to explain it to most everybody who answered their door that night. I was going for an Emmett Kelley look, I think, but I didn't bother with, you know, the clown makeup.
Sigh. Big Ideas + Poor Planning and procrastination are the story of my life.
So, I was reading PopCandy over on USA Today, which was a profile on another Candy reader, Tim l. One of the questions Whitney asks is "What's the best Halloween costume you've ever worn?", and Tim l instead talked about the worst, which is exactly what I would've done. I seriously don't think I've ever had a BEST Halloween costume, but if I did it would sadly be one of the plastic store-bought hot and sweaty ones. When left to my own devices, my costumes were nothing but disasterpieces. Well, maybe the California Raisin wasn't so bad; it's hard to mess up balloons, black tights, and a black garbage bag. So here are what I consider the worst of the worst:
3. The "I'm too old to go trick-or-treating and I don't have a costume anyway, but now I REEEEEEEEALLY want to go" costume. Components: My dad's navy blue hooded winter coat, a jack-o-lantern trick or treat bucket, a vacuum cleaner pipe (the long one), a belt, and a witch's hat that we found on the street after the trick-or-treating had commenced. My dad helped me strap the vacuum pipe on my back with the belt, then we put the coat on, raised the hood, and shoved the trick-or-treat bucket into the hood. The witch's hat really capped off the outfit, so I'm really grateful to the kid who lost it.
Actually, that may be my Best Halloween Costume Ever.
2. The Train. The train never actually happened because, like most of my elementary school projects/project ideas, it was more about the concept than the execution. I couldn't make it work with the limited time and materials I had, so I just didn't do it. And by limited time, I mean it was probably like an hour before trick-or-treating time.
AND THE WINNER IS ...
1. The Ghost/Dead Tennis Player. How can you mess up a ghost costume? Here's how. Again, it was a last minute costume and I had limited materials -- basically, I had to find whatever old, plain white sheet we had in the house, which is a lot harder than it sounds because my mom bought a lot of print sheets back in the 80s. So, I found the sheet and proceeded to cut eye holes. Notice I didn't say MEASURE FOR EYEHOLES and then cut them. My eyeholes were off and, as I found out after tripping and falling several times, not aligned to a straight edge on the sheet, but instead aligned to some weird corner angle, thereby putting a dragging sheet corner directly under my feet. After tripping again in my neighbor's ditch, I decided to go home and regroup. I'd borrorwed a tennis hoodie from my cousin who was coaching the high school girl's tennis team, and I didn't have a lot of time, so I decided to go as a dead tennis player. What made me dead? Nothing. But I think I rationalized it to my 5th grade self as "dead" because I was using a broken badminton racket from our garage.
I think the next year I actually morphed the Ghost/Dead Tennis Player costume into a "Dead Clown" costume. I cut a head hole in the sheet, bought some cheap plastic flowers for a bouquet, wore my too-small green and blue rainhat, and MAAAAAAYBE put some powder on my face so as to appear "dead" but I can't really remember if I followed through on the powder. All I know is I had to explain it to most everybody who answered their door that night. I was going for an Emmett Kelley look, I think, but I didn't bother with, you know, the clown makeup.
Sigh. Big Ideas + Poor Planning and procrastination are the story of my life.
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